When I left this town in 2000, there were no bugs. People rented apartments in nice, funky neighbourhoods, and they could go to sleep at night without fear of waking up covered in bumps and oozing sores the next morning.

Two years ago, this neighbourhood was still pretty bug-free. You didn’t see neighbours dragging mattresses into the street, or hanging all their clothes and bedding over the balcony rails. You didn’t smell Raid wafting out of windows and doors.

But now — all that has changed.

Apparently, it’s an international plague. I hear there are bedbugs crawling out of IKEA furniture and into our lives — and we’re not ready. Me, for example. I seem to be a magnet for these bugs, whatever they are — and I know for a fact that some of them are microscopic. I was sitting on the couch yesterday, innocently typing, and all of a sudden I felt these wee, tiny stings here and there. Next thing I knew, I had three small circular bumps on my left arm. Ten minutes later, they’ve quadrupled in size and an allergic reaction begins. The area swells and turns bright red. Along with the itching and swelling, comes anxiety, nervousness. I feel like running out the door and cycling in all directions – preferably to the nearest hospital.

This happened last year for the first time, and I did go to a hospital. The nice doctor looked at my bites and bumps and gave me ANTI-HISTAMINES and topical CORTISONE CREAM to smear on. The cortisone cream did very little to ease the itching. The anti-histamines gave me instant gas, bloating, constipation and a spacey feeling that life is not really worth the effort required to go on living. I got through it by moving in with a bug-free friend for a couple of weeks.

This year, I’m back at my brother’s — and the bugs are still here! They don’t bother him — he’s a heavy smoker. I have no such toxic barriers — and I hear these bugs like women.Within an hour of my crashing in this VERY CLEAN apartment, they attacked.

So this time, on my way to Emergency, I stopped in at a HEALTH FOOD STORE and asked what they had for what I have. The woman suggested a HOMEOPATHIC remedy called APIS. I have a little container of it right here on my desk. You dissolve 5 little pills in water and you just suck on it all day. Or you place a couple under your tongue and let them find their own way into your bloodstream.

With APIS, the itching stopped almost immediately, along with the swelling and anxiety and all the side effects of the anti-histamines. I was able to concentrate and go about my life normally —

Of course, I also escaped the bugs again by moving in with a friend for 10 days. Her neighbourhood hasn’t been hit yet  but it could be a matter of time.

Meanwhile, back here at Bug Village, the landlord is spraying the apartment. But he didn’t get around to the living room and the couch. So yesterday the invisible blood-sucking lurkers got me again.

I’m back on APIS. Remember that name: APIS. Reminds you of bees, doesn’t it? I really recommend it! The APIS is working, but I still want those bugs to DIE! DIE! DIE!!! Any ideas on how to kill them without further poisoning the world?

Could the Illuminati be spraying lice and spores from the skies to keep us all scratching through the coming elections and economic collapse?

Or are they a Plague from God? I’m waiting for Sarah Palin and Stephen Harper to weigh in on that.

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End Times

September 21, 2008

Funny, I can’t look at Sarah Palin without thinking she just might be the Whore of Babylon come to life in 3-D, ready to leap from your television screen and into your living room. And then what? The rest of the Revelations scenario will begin to play out, including war, massive worldwide destruction, poisoning of our atmosphere — setting the stage for the arrival of Mr. Great Beast 666 himself.

Not that this worries me. I’ve been preparing for most of a lifetime for these events to unfold. The End Times have been wired into us, by religion and mass media that appeal to our fear that life on earth will reach a climax and begin to unravel in our lifetime. And that we need to make sure we are on the right side of the Lord when it does.

The trouble we face now, is figuring out which side is “right.”

Hello world!

September 20, 2008

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